Facts You need to know to protect Yourself

Growing Self Awareness

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DISCLAIMER: Growing Awareness Pty Ltd as publishers of this web-site and John Bligh Nutting as author do not dispense or recommend medical or psychiatric advice, nor prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for any diagnosable medical or psychiatric condition. Any such action should only be taken by you as your personal choice and either directly or indirectly on the advice of a physician or a qualified therapist.

Saying someone IS a “narcissist” is not OK.

There’s one thing I need to make clear before we go any further - It is a mistake to use labels for example You are a narcissist!” as if we had the power to define who a person IS or who they are being.
We don’t have that power!

Saying someone is using a “narcissistic type” of behaviour is OK.

It is OK to use labels to describe their behaviour especially their games or patterns , or what they are doing.

1. As I explain in all my books and websites what a person does, should not justify the use of a label, whether good or bad if it attempts to define who they are.  I try very hard not to talk about who a person is being and I recommend that you too avoid this. As Pia Mellody reminds us “Who they are is none of our business!” More about this on page “Your Anti-Labelling Boundary Kit

2. The only people who might choose to label an individual as a “narcissist” or suffering from a narcissistic disorder like NPD are registered psychiatrists.  You and I are neither equipped nor trained to apply diagnostic labels.  In theory a psychiatrist might identify a patient as exhibiting Narcissistic personality Disorder (NPD) if only they had the chance . The trouble is that people with full-on NPD are famous for using any strategy to avoid seeing a psychiatrist.

3. Labelling people does nothing to change NBP Player games or patterns  nor help resolve the problems NBP Player games or patterns  create for people who are on the receiving end of those games or patterns . If they display even one regular narcissistic type of behaviour then that’s what we need to look at.

4. It’s okay to use a word label to describe what someone does, as a behaviour pattern which is narcissistic in its character. To save time we talk about what they are doing repeating NBP patterns  or playing  NBP games. The individual on the receiving end, which may  well be you, is their “target.”

Because there are lots of things you and I can do as long as we avoid labelling and instead  try to understand what drives people to play these games. Most of them won’t actually be narcissists anyway.  But once you identify any one game or pattern you are on the way to protecting yourself from it.

John Bligh Nutting

BA (Psych) University of Queensland; MQCA (Clinical);
Australian Register of Counsellors and Psychotherapists - ARCAP;

National Australian Register - Psychotherapists and Counsellors Federation Australia (PACFA) 20969;
State Register - Clinical Counsellor - Queensland Counsellors Association (QCA) 230-80156;

Professional Member, International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (ISSTD)

Professional Member, Adults Surviving Child abuse (ASCA) 32974

What not to do about NBP Players - people who display Narcissistic type Behaviour Patterns

Free Book - details below

Identifying Narcissistic Type Patterns  - NBP Players

On the next page is a checklist of typical Narcissistic type games or patterns , a total of nearly 50.

If someone you know is displaying just one or two of those games or patterns  then this website (and your free book) will help you understand and deal with the stress those patterns are causing you. If someone you know is doing five or six or more of the items on the checklist then you’ll need to do a bit more work to protect yourself but it still doesn’t mean they are being a narcissist. It’s just what they are doing to you at that time. You can’t protect yourself from who they are but you can protect yourself from what they are trying to do to you.

Learning  to protect yourself won’t be easy at first, but you can succeed.

Checklist - Signposts that indicate Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns NBP Player - How many items do you think he or she ticks ?

It’s all in your free book

“Introduction to NBP - Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns”

Would you like a printed copy of the pages on this website? Please e-mail me and ask for your free copy of my new book “Introduction to NBP Player - Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns” and I’ll e-mail it to you as a pdf file ready for you to print. It really is free, there are no conditions, no catches and you don’t have to buy anything or give me credit card details.  


Because. in my lifetime (I turn 80 this year) I have had many experiences as the target for NBP Player people. If only there had been someone who could have told me back in my youth about NBP I could have learned to  identify those games or patterns  and kept them out of my life!

That’s what this website and the free book is about, so you can see the patterns and set yourself free from the  tricks and traps that NBP Player creates around us, until we know about it!.

    bligh4@growingaware.com       is the address

I have other free books so please mention “NBP Player” in your e-mail otherwise you may get a

 different book.

NBP players use child-like approaches to deal with their issues

NBP players seldom reach true grown up emotional maturity. Behind their power plays and disempowering games you can see a kid or at most a youngish teenager, but a very clever one, trying to cope with life, using kids’ strategies and child-like approaches to life’s problems. Examples:

1. Exquisitely sensitive reactions to imagined hurts or insults. To misunderstand, misjudge or even ignore them is a terrible thing to do to a poor little innocent victim.

2. If criticised or corrected responds not just with anger but with far more dramatic reactions or opera-level histrionics (remarkably like a kid’s tantrum!)

3. Each time NBPs reduce someone’s power they believe that makes them more powerful (so similar to a playground bully)

4. If they are hurting that gives them the right to hurt or punish others! (a child’s game of victim-martyr)

5. I want what I want, and I want it NOW! (impatient kid) whether it fits in with your plans or not.

6. So much of the time I’m hurting or I’m unhappy or both and that’s your fault. (a kid’s strategy, seeking attention and sympathy as a lead up before asking for something)

7. If someone else has power NBP players feel entitled as a right to take it from them (the way a child takes or breaks other kid’s toys). In this case trying to undermine, unbalance or disempower power levels in people close to them.

8. A child-like need to attach themselves to people with any kind of power, but once attached and engaged starting to take some of that power (or a lot if they can) by any means, fair or unfair. (like a kid in a candy store)

This website is aimed at helping you protect yourself from all this.

3. More Pages on this website and in your free book:

Facing Reality about  NBP - Five areas where you are powerless (Don’t waste your energy)

Where You do have some real Power over NBP Player games or patterns

Games NBP Player like to Play

NBP Player Case Studies and Stories

Where does NBP Player come from? How does it develop?

Back to NBP top Page

Other pages on this website

Extracts from another one of my websites and another book “Making Powerful Changes” which is all about building up your personal power (which NBP Player people keep trying to undermine)


Don’t give your Power away

Identifying manipulation

Questioning Old rules that tell you you have no Power

Sources of Personal power

Open communication - a key to personal power which NBP Players hate!

Websites in our Growing Awareness  and Flying Awareness Series  -  













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