Facts You need to know to protect Yourself

Growing Self Awareness

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DISCLAIMER: Growing Awareness Pty Ltd as publishers of this web-site and John Bligh Nutting as author do not dispense or recommend medical or psychiatric advice, nor prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for any diagnosable medical or psychiatric condition. Any such action should only be taken by you as your personal choice and either directly or indirectly on the advice of a physician or a qualified therapist.

Case Studies - Examples and stories  based on people’s real life experiences with NBP Player. However, all characters in these case studies are fictional with features intentionally exaggerated to help with the illustration. No matter how familiar one case may seem it is not intended to portray any real person. If a story rings a rather too familiar bell for you please be assured there are many more people out there who have had the same experience at the hands of an NBP Player.

Case Study A - The Famous NBP Player Evaporating Promise.

Some years ago Matilda fell in love with charming romantic George. But it didn't last. George  ran hot and cold emotionally until finally Matilda gave up and moved on.  He lived  a long way away, in another state, but she has always kept in touch with him and George knows that today she’s on her own again, and s still harbouring her old dream that maybe George might  turn out to be the real, sincere and loving man she thought he was (and he promised that he was) back then.

The new promise

And now George is coming to visit her city on a business trip. He contacts Matilda and suggests a romantic weekend together in the mountains “for old times sake.” George promises to pay for the luxury accommodation in a private getaway and drops some obvious hints that the weekend will be very intimate. Matilda is instantly hooked by George’s new promise. NBP Players are incredibly skilled at knowing exactly what promise will appeal most. All that Matilda needs to do is be responsible for driving to and from the mountain getaway and of course for transport during the weekend. I forgot to mention that there are many famous wineries in the area and George does like a drop or two of a good wine. Matilda doesn’t drink much so she and her car will be perfect if George decides to take a break from the promised romance and do bit of vineyard touring.

The reality

Matilda picks George up from his hotel and is a little disappointed that he does not even offer her a kiss before getting into her car. She excuses this to herself assuming that he may be tired. They arrive at the chosen private getaway in the evening and settle in. But still George shows no sign of wanting to be at all romantic and explains that he has a headache. But he hastens to reassure Matilda that tomorrow the romance will start.

However, over breakfast she can’t help noticing that George has moved into a very impersonal energy state. It seems that the promised romance is still on hold.

Instead, George suggests it would be nice to visit some of the local wineries and of course Matilda agrees. It’s quite good fun, though there is no sign of romance from George. They have a most enjoyable lunch and George drinks a little bit too much of the local wine. He suggests they return to their room but when they get there George falls asleep after promising that he will be much more his old romantic self after a good rest.

Anyhow, that’s pretty much the way the weekend keeps going until Matilda finally decides to raise the unspoken issue of the unfulfilled promise and asks George about it. She’s met with an incredible level of rage as George attacks her, first describing her as selfish, uncaring and then getting a bit more personal suggests that she is only interested in sex and perhaps she should talk to a psychiatrist about her problem! (Gaslighting)

Matilda stops wanting to be romantic with George and George now feels he has a justified “NBP Player reason” for not wanting to be romantic with her.  In NBP Player terms it’s a “perfect storm”.

The outcome

George got exactly what he wanted, a weekend visiting the local wineries with a pleasant and coperative driver. But at that point the promise evaporated as NBP Player promises do. The more he got what he wanted ther less need for him to follow through on his promise. But he kept offering small promises about possible romance always the next morning or the next night just to keep Matilda on-the-job. When she dropped George off at his hotel on Monday she still hadn’t had a single kiss and she didn’t get one then either.

She was starting to wonder if there really was something wrong with her!

Case Study B - Two Rule books - one for you and a different book (or no rules at all ) for the NBP Player

The main areas where the  NBP Player “two different rule books” apply are around sex, money and of course who has the power and makes the rules.

Jack and Jean had been married for 15 years. Jean had always been committed to maintaining the marriage. She was a caring and considerate partner and put a great deal of effort into looking after Jack’s needs.

The only apparent problem was Jack’s overwhelming jealousy if he imagined another man was showing even the slightest interest in Jean. At that point, he would accuse her of encouraging the man, despite the fact that there was absolutely no evidence to back this up. That’s a favourite NBP Player strategy, putting the innocent partner in a situation where they will try to defend themselves from false accusations with very little success.

On a couple of occasions, over the years Jean suspected that Jack might have been having affairs but when she attempted to discuss a few tell-tale signs with Jack she was met with such blinding rage and counter-attacks that she stopped looking for any concrete evidence that might’ve confirmed her fears. Not questioning Jack was in the book of rules that Jean was compelled to follow.  She was not allowed even to suspect that Jack might operate on a different set of rules and definitely not allowed to discuss that possibility.

However, recently one of the many women that Jack had been having affairs with contacted Jean and confirmed what had been going on. Devastated, Jean confronted Jack and wanted to talk about the reality. Jack didn’t just fly into a rage, he attacked Jean physically and emotionally, blaming her for her lack of interest in the kind of kinky and unusual sex which he now claimed he had always wanted. It was her fault that Jack had been driven into affairs. He had been suffering for years and she had forced him to seek off-beat sex elsewhere.

He told Jean that the marriage was over, that she was entirely to blame for the breakup and because of her uncaring behaviour towards him it was now time for her to pack her belongings and leave the house permanently. She would be allowed to keep one of the smaller family cars but Jack would keep the house and would not expect to be responsible for helping her survive financially.

All of that of course was based on the fact that Jack had a different rule book. Jean’s “fault” was compounded by her failure to follow the rules in the book Jack had given her.



Case Study C - What happens when a person finds they can control a target  using their NBP Player patterns


Helen fell under the spell of a powerful NBP Player “Mister X” and for a while she believed his promises of a large amount of money to be made if she was willing to invest her savings with him. They would use her money to buy an old house which he and Helen would renovate together. That involved an additional loan which he convinced Helen to sign as joint owner of the house after promising her there was absolutely no risk.

Sadly as with most NBP Player promises once he had Helen under his control, trusting him to the point where she was agreeing to sign anything he put in front of her, the promises evaporated.

Mr X used her name rather than his to open accounts with local hardware stores to facilitate purchasing tools and items needed for the renovation. But when the stores started pursuing Helen for payment of overdue accounts she began to suspect ( a bit too late) that Mr. X might not be the hero she had hoped.

Of course when she tried to confront him about the broken promises, and the failure of the renovation project his rage was over the top. He blamed Helen for everything and because it was somehow “all her fault” Mr X claimed that as punishment she would “…. never see him or her her money again!”

That’s how things turned out over the next two years. Helen tried to get help through the courts but he blocked her each time. He even instituted legal counter cases claiming she owed him money! Some NBP Player people thrive on the drama of court cases and legal battles and become very skilled at manipulating the legal system as a way of frustrating anyone who gets in their way. The more the drama the happier they are.

Finally, Helen accepted that the only way out for her was to accept her financial losses and disengage totally.

You may think that’s the end of this story?  Far from it.

Case Study D - When an NBP Player discovers they can no longer control you they will instead try to control the way others see you.

Helen tackled the task of disengaging with courage and determination, pleased just to have Mr, X out of her life.  But Mr. X was not at all happy with that arrangement. NBP Player types feel the loss of power and go to extreme lengths to maintain engagement.  One way is to gain the support of third parties, people who know the target.  

Mr X started out contacting Helen’s friends to “explain to them” how he was the innocent party and why they should not trust Helen or her version of events. Sadly a couple of her supposed friends were convinced and dropped her out of their circle. NBP Player people have an almost hypnotic ability when it comes to telling their side of the story and convincing listeners not to worry about checking the facts.

One thing that puzzled Helen was his ability to send e-mails to her friends. He also seemed to know what her movements were when she was travelling, even her flight numbers! That’s when she realised that he must have had access to her e-mail! Yes, right back at the start she had accepted his offer to set up her e-mail system and Mr X had fixed it so he could log in at any time. She soon stopped that, once again blocking his attempts to engage with her through her friends and their e-mails.

Mr X was not getting the drama he needed so he moved on to the next phase, contacting people at Helen’s workplace including her superiors and “alerting them” to the potential problems ahead if they continued to employ Helen. This caused her some real stress but she managed to handle it without any long term harm.

Frustrated, Mr X raised the drama level to a higher level. He contacted the local Crime Watch service and as convincing as usual, managed to have her subjected to several raids by the Police and the local Drug squad. The police do not take at all kindly to false information used as a “revenge” tool and quickly lost interest in pursuing Helen.

These days it seems Mr X has finally given up but Helen  is still watchful in case he finds yet another way to get to her. Helen knows that although he can’t engage directly with her he will still be  looking for ways to engage through people who are in contact with her.






Case Study E

Distance is a very basic boundary but it works when you need to avoid getting engaged with an NBP player

When an NBP finds they can no longer engage with their primary target they switch their attention to someone connected to the target.

Julie is making great progress disengaging from her NBP ex-partner Dick. Most days she can now use her expanding set of disengaging skills and her boundary system to avoid supplying Dick with  fixes like drama and confusion that he loves.

But he hasn’t given up and she can’t disengage totally yet because she and Dick own a house together and he isn’t doing anything to help sort that out. Dick still has his own keys and likes to exercise his legal right to come to the house whenever he wants to.

Meanwhile Julie has a close friend Kelly staying with her. Kelly is recovering from a traumatic break-up with her NBP ex and Julie is supporting her.

Today, Dick drops in unannounced expecting Julie to react but she doesn’t say a word. Frustrated because he can’t get Julie to engage, Dick attacks Kelly in front of Julie, criticising her and accusing her of being responsible for her relationship problems. Dick who would be furious if anyone tried to do the same to him is right at home doing it to defenceless Kelly.

That puts Julie in a bind. She wants to protect Kelly but knows that once she starts she’ll be getting re-engaged and feeding Dick’s NBP need for drama and attention. She also knows that even if she did get involved she would  have no success getting Dick to stop.

Instead she very quietly takes Kelly into her bedroom and points out what is happening. She and Kelly work out a plan to distance them both from Dick. Kelly stays in the room effectively stopping Dick’s game while Julie explains to Dick that they both need to go shopping and will be leaving in a few minutes.

They leave quietly wishing Dick all the best. Distance is a very basic boundary but it’s one of the most effective ways when you need to disengage from an NBP player.




Case Study F

An Expert Fixer becomes Emotionally unbalanced


As with all my case studies, Terry and Louise are fictitious individuals, created with exaggerated characters to help illustrate the study. I may have woven some bits from real life stories into this case because they are so common.  Sad to say similar stories have been told so many times by people like Terry and by women too who have had similar experiences. NBP is not gender based.


Terry is a likeable, Owner-CEO leading a very successful consultancy team. He has a reputation as an entrepreneur for creating new solutions for old problems. He and his team work hard and get results quickly when engaged to fix all kinds of troubles facing clients and their businesses.

All this may tend to make him a bit of a good hearted workaholic. He has lectured at the local university on management issues and recently published a best selling book on the same topic. Yet he is never big headed, in fact he can be overly generous and always modest. His friends describe him as “Mr. Fixer- Upper”. He “just makes  things happen. He gets the job done.”

In his spare time he does the same kind of work on an honorary basis for charitable community groups with management or leadership problems.

All is going well for Terry until he meets the gorgeous Louise, the incoming president of one of the community groups he is helping. Terry is captivated by Louise. Louise tells her friends she has fallen instantly in love with Terry. Things move rather quickly and soon Terry and Louise are recognised around town as “an item”. Terry feels life is just about to get even better.

Louise however has a few personal problems. That makes Terry even more attractive from her point of view and of course Terry feels great about being able to use his skills to help “fix” them for her.

However despite his best efforts Louise’s problems don’t seem to be getting any better. She has issues with her parents, her finances, her ex-husband and new troubles now with her position as president of the community group.

There are even problems closer to home, in bed. Louise, incredibly attractive and flirtatious on the surface finds it very difficult to achieve “satisfaction” between the sheets. She complains that Terry is just not as good a lover as the men in her past which she tells him included some very prominent public figures. She is also starting to drink more heavily and Terry notices that he has absolutely no success when it comes to trying to fix that problem.

Rather than appreciating Terry for what he has done to help her, Louise after a few wines is inclined to criticise him for his failures. Terry tries to explain but she doesn’t want to listen, she seems more intent on maintaining the drama, claiming Terry’s lack of success as a fixer is what forces her to drink more.

It just seemed as though nothing he could do for Louise was ever good enough. He noticed at the same time a falling off in his sexual drive which left him open to more criticism from her.

At that point Terry started experiencing problems in his work and seemed unable to fix them. Two of his key team members had a disagreement with him and walked out. He lost three important clients and another client firm went bankrupt and couldn’t pay Terry. To make it worse they blamed Terry for failing to fix their financial problems!

At that point Terry came to see me and together we worked through the NBP Activity sheets. Terry started to put some clues together and identify some of the power and control games running in the background. He was slowly becoming more emotionally unbalanced while Louise seemed to be gaining the upper hand in the relationship.

He also saw how the more this went on the more his professional fixer skills were somehow failing as well.

Learning how not to allow Louise run NBP patterns over him proved difficult at first but they were able to stay together. Louise also worked with me and came to see how her NBP games were destroying what could be a great relationship. Together that started developing a grown up NBP free relationship.

Terry noticed quite quickly how his business seemed to pick up again at the same time.


Negative old Witches, Wizards and their Disempowering Spells


All of us have  an old inner village, a little  town  named “Vulnerability.”  It was established early in our childhood because we needed to have a place where our little sub-personalities or Inner protector Selves could live and grow and work hard every day helping look after our Inner child. Because, all too often there were no grown-up people around doing that job, even though there should have been.

As they developed and polished their amazing protector skills those little characters became our PYRO team. They still live and work in our old village today and they always will. But most of them remain young emotionally. Protector characters  in your old inner village don’t automatically grow up emotionally.

Some of them still  spend most of their days feeling powerless, unable to change or not good enough.  

These negative feelings are the result of spells cast over the village by wicked witches and wizards many years before.

The disempowering witch and her first spell

The first witch cast a spell about our lack of power, our inability to control the world around us.  Once  this first disempowering spell had been cast it became easier for other disempowering witches to come in and cast more and more negative spells. Each new spell increased our sense of powerless and negativity and helped spread the same message throughout the inner village.

Case Study - G -  Beverley

Beverley told me about how, as a small child, she was constantly reminded by people in her family that she had no power and no control over anything.  When Beverley was very small, this may have been partly true. However, if only she been allowed to develop naturally as she grew up Beverley would have been able to learn new ways, to access the kinds of power and control that she was rightfully entitled to and use these in fair and balanced ways.

Instead, Beverley kept hearing the same message about how she was powerless and had no control.  She heard it from her parents, from older brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles and grandparents.  It seemed as though they were all involved in helping the first witch’s curse seem more real than ever (when it really was never true).

Later on, Beverley heard the same message from people like her kindergarten teachers. First at Sunday school and then in church, people were helping to reinforce the witch’s spell.  “Beverley you have no power you have no control over what is happening in your life. Leave it to your God, pray hard and ask for help from forces outside of you.”

No one ever explained to Beverley that she had the right to make her own choices in some areas of her life, even as a small child.  Nobody explained to her that as a child she was already entitled is to exercise some power, to actually make some of her own choices and to control some parts of her daily life.

It was much the same at her school. Beverley cannot remember anyone ever telling her that the old curse wasn’t  true! So, it is not surprising that when she grew up and got her first job, that her employer quickly tapped into the witch’s spell and reinforced her sense of powerlessness once again.

Nor is it at all surprising that the men that Beverley went out with also reinforced her old belief (by now firmly hard-wired) that she was neither entitled to or able to exercise power and control over her life. It was not too long before Beverley married one of these controlling men Joe, because he told her that marrying him was what she had to do.

Happy ending. It was ten years later when Beverley joined one of my “Making Powerful Changes”groups and quite quickly she discovered she was no longer under the old spell. She divorced Joe.

For my latest information on Personal Power and Making Powerful Changes please go to this link

http://www.keys-to-personal-power.com

Case Study - H - Paul

A friend of mine, Paul grew up in an environment that started out very much like Beverley’s.  Then when he was six years old he experienced severe and repeated sexual abuse from his uncle (his mother’s favourite brother.) Paul’s uncle swore him to secrecy and threatened to hurt Paul’s mother if Paul told her, or anyone else, about what was going on.  

This meant that Paul’s experience of the wizard’s curse was even more powerful than Beverley’s.

And when Paul grew up, he was even more easily pushed around and manipulated by people. Paul married a very, very controlling woman who literally ran his life for him, and unbalanced or  undermined any attempts Paul made to grow his self esteem, until he suicided in his late forties.  It’s ironic that this was the one of the few times in his life that Paul felt that he exercised real control over what he was doing!  

NOTES:

• The more these old spells are related to actual trauma or abuse in childhood, the slower and more difficult it will be to undo them.

• The more severe or traumatic the childhood experience  around these spells, the harder it is to lift them in later life.  

• The more often they are reinforced in childhood the harder it is to undo them, even when we become grown-ups (well, that is according to the calendar) and can start developing our grown up STAR and WING parts and begin telling the old PYRO team it’s time to hand over our inner bus to the grown-up team.   

Different witches and wizards cast different versions but it’s the same old spell

Wicked disempowering witches have many different ways of casting the same kinds of spells.  Here are some examples.  Do any of these sound familiar?

“ When someone tells you that you have no power over your life then you must believe them.”

“ If you do try to act as if you have some power over your own life no one will love you, or even like you! You can expect to be punished even just for thinking that way “

“You have to give most of your power away to other people, over and over.”

“Once you will have given your power away to someone else, you can never get it back.”

And the big one:

“Other people, the ones who live outside your village, have all the power. They make all the decisions, they tell you what you will or won’t do, what your choices are. Your only hope is to get them to make the decisions you want them to make for you.”

What you can do about releasing yourself from old disempowering spells

1. Recognise a disempowering spell as just that.  It is only a childhood spell and it only lasts for as long as you keep believing it.

2. Become more aware that its ability to disempower you only lasts for as long as you continue to believe it.

3. Recognise that however it was worded in your particular case it is still not true, today.

4. Find out the best way to counter the negative spell.  For example, as Beverley learned to do, you can ask one of the positive characters from your STAR or WING side to help you regain your rightful powers which will help you to overcome negativity and pain.

These positive magic powers which you already posses and are your right, include:

  • your self-awareness skills (reality)
• your self-determination skills (boundaries and balancing)
• your self-empowerment (personal power and control skills)
• your self-appreciation (self esteem)
• your forward thinking skills (looking out the front windscreen not the rear window)
• your survivor skills
• your grown-up self-nurturing skills
• your ability to connect to your “Inside Me” skills (imagination, insight, intuition, invention)

Other witches and their spells

What other kinds of witches may have put their secret spells on you? What are these spells about?

1. Messages from Narcissist Behaviour Players

NBP players and full on narcissists too usually try to unbalance or undermine signs of self confidence or independence in those around them.

2. Negative Core Beliefs

Examples: You are Worthless, You are Not good enough, You are Un-likeable, You are Unsafe, You are Dirty, You are Faulty, You are Incompetent, You are Incomplete, You are Unwanted, You are Imperfect, You are in danger, You don’t know, You don’t deserve anything, You are always wrong, You are unsuccessful, You are invisible, You don’t exist and many more.

For my full list of 200 or more like these please go to this link

http://core-beliefs-balance.com/page33.html




Also on this website

More Pages on this website and in your free book:

Hyperlinks:

Introduction to Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns and NBP Players

NBP Explained

Checklist - Signposts that indicate Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns

Facing Reality about  NBP Players - Five areas where you are powerless

Where You do have some real Power over NBP Player games

Games NBP Players like to Play

NBP Player Case Studies and Stories

How NBP Players are created


Back to NBP Players top Page

Websites in our Growing Awareness  and Flying Awareness Series  -  


www.core-beliefs-balance.com

narcissistic-behaviour-patterns-nbp.com

www.love-your-inner-child.com

www.keys-to-personal-power.com

www.emotional-age-power.com

www.disowned-inner-selves.com

www.flyingawareness.com

www.healing-a-relationship.com

www.growingaware.com

www.growingaware.net

www.growing-aware.com.au

www.love-your-innerchild.com


Recommended sites

www.stepbystepsupport.com.au